Open the eyes of my Heart

Here I am. Sitting in North Carolina in the great and mighty USA. Pictures from my filled-up walls jump out to me and threaten my eyes to release tears. Adventures arrive at my mind bringing memories of fun, beautiful, hard, emotional, spiritually-filling trips. From America to Africa, the stories I have to share continue to impact my life.  I read stories of friends who are in different countries, and their chance to serve the obvious physical need of 3rd world countries. I see them washing the feet of others, and my heart desires to wash the feet of those strangers whom I seem to love so openly and willingly. To show them the servanthood of Jesus, the humility of the King, the open arms of the Daddy. I am so blinded. I just can't seem to get it. I live in a country where food comes at the push of a button, water comes by just the pull of a lever (hot water for that matter), cars are starting to move without drivers, technology is rising even more and more powerfully. I con...

There is a God. He saves those who are hurt. He finds those who are lost. He redeems sin with no hesitation. He paints the skies with His majestic colors. He heals the sick. He mends broken hearts. He rescues the hungry. He brings wholeness to this broken land. And this God, who wants me, runs after me. Even when Satan pretends that I am not close to Him, I am. He is with me every day, hour, minute, second, never leaving my exposed side.  Day by day He renews my soul, even when I don't know it. And although I yearn for different places and countries, He comforts me. Blind, lost people all around the world--human beings--run towards nothing in hopes of finding something, without luck. But remember? My God finds those who are lost. My yearn to serve arises again, but for what reasons? "Show them ME," He says to my confused soul. But I thought I was supposed to help them, God. I thought I  was supposed to feed them, clothe them, give them water.  " Y...

Sometimes I find myself getting so caught up in what the world thinks. How it views me as a person, as an image, and as a being. And then slowly but surely it takes me down into brainwashing my mind to think like the world. I start viewing people that God created to be called into His Glory, as dirt. I start judging them for what they do, not what they CAN do. I start looking at them and think, "I'm better than them." And it TAKES ME DOWN. I believe that all this reasoning happens because I am so caught up in my own problems, issues, and self, that I forget about everyone else in the world. I forget that people are living on less than $1, and that 26,000 children die every day of starvation that I could prevent from happening with MY money. I forget about this past summer, when all I cared about was other people's problems. All I cared about was how I could further help them and further bring them closer and closer to Christ so they could do the same for others. The...

Silent Night. Holy Night. All is Calm. All is bright. What a beautiful song. But even more beautiful is the image that the song has put in my head. Last weekend, I had the wonderful privilege to sing a beautiful version of "Silent Night" to thousands of people. Over the course of the weekend, I really began to understand what the song meant. The reality is though, that no one knows what a silent night is. Can you imagine the night right before Jesus was born? No city street lights to break your vision of the stars, no car horns honking with angry passengers behind them, no music, movies, or media to break the complete stillness of the moment when Jesus--JESUS was born. Sometimes I climb up on the roof to gaze at the stars, but there's always something that interrupts my thoughts with the Lord, or a light to mess up my pure vision of a completely dark, star-filled sky. But just imagine. Imagine how little light there must have been for Mary and Joseph to make their way...

You know those things on twitter when it shows a picture of something cool, and then it says "mind=BLOWN"? Well, just wait.  It was the second friday in Uganda which meant we were headed to Kitende Primary School. Field day was planned for the afternoon filled with games, dirt, fun, and tons of laughter. That morning, we were going to the village of Kitende to hand out village bags and invite people to the field to hear about the Gospel. We took our village bags and started walking. Handing out bag after bag to beautiful people who were strangers, God really started opening my eyes. It was the last place we went. The last bag I had. I had wandered just a little bit from my small group that was with me behind this house, to where I could still see them, but no one was with me.  I spotted this little toddler, maybe not yet even 2 sitting in a puddle of mud. Baby fleas and flies were digging in his big brown, unhopeful eyes, and his potbelly protruded from his 3-sizes-t...

To run away from a place with danger. Running, and not looking back. Not imagining what would have happened IF you had done this or that, but taking all of you, and FLEEING. Everywhere we turn, the passions of Earth beg for our attention. They are direct plots from the enemy to ultimately destroy us. That is all he is existing to do. To  d e s t r o y YOU. The world consumes us, and eventually it turns our passions into its passions. Then what we desires becomes what the world wants us to desire. It owns  us. 2 Timothy 2:22 says "Flee youthful passions.." How is it so hard to escape such a powerful thing? 1 Timothy 6:6 says that godliness with contentment is great gain. As today is thanksgiving, I've been thinking. What if everyone was content with what they had? What if everyone was content with needing Jesus and ONLY Jesus ? If so, there would be no need to flee from anything, because everything we needed, we would have. Everything we NEED, we HAVE, in Jesus. Why c...

<<<URGENT>>> <<<<<PLEASE READ AND RESPOND AS APPROPRIATE>>>>> This is urgent. A call to IMMEDIATE action. No delays, no excuses, its urgent. People's eternal souls hang in the balance. Their destinies are at stake. Here's the question, are you going to do anything about it? If your sibling, or parent, or kids were to call you saying they were about to die, what length would you go to, to save them? Or at least TRY?  Too bad this is only earth. Meager earth, where we are called to do just one thing. Make disciples of ALL nations. It's such an easy command to hear, but not so easy to act on. Or is it? Christians MUST have a tremendous sense of Gospel Urgency. 2 Corinthians 5:20 "We are therefore Christ's ambassadors as though God were making his appeal through us." If anyone of my siblings was in trouble, and at the point of death, I can't even imagine the lengths I would go to, to rescue them. How ...

"Words are twisted in meaning and torn from context. They have become mere tools for ego building. It is not surprising that we have to 'swear' to tell the truth. And what about LOVE? Our world is filled with its words: Popular songs, greeting cards, media counselors, and romantic novels shower us with notions and dreams of idyllic relationships and feelings. Real love, however is scarce-- selfless  giving, sharing, and even dying. We yearn to love and be loved, but we see few living examples of real love." self·less /ˈselfləs/ Adjective: Concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own; unselfish. How do we love selflessly? The world has drilled into our heads, live for yourself, not anyone else.  And we have begun to believe it. We put ourselves in front of everybody else. We take pride in how "good we are compared to the world" when, in reality, we follow the world's steps like zombies. Pride is the root of s...

Its times when I feel the most empty, that God fills me up with the most good. You know how memories just hit you sometimes? Maybe a loved one that has passed away, or an old friend you think about, and you just start to cry? Missing those good times, but so happy that you experienced them. I remember the time I spent working on gifts for my would-be sister, Maria. I hear Rudy's laughs and giggles as he plays the game "buenos noches" with me. Angel taking turns kissing my cheeks with her ebony lips. Smelling the smell of Sozo and Eagles Nest. Dirt roads winding throughout countrysides. My grandpa's last gift to me. Old houses that hold unforgettable memories. All these memories are so sweet. Such a sweet reminder of what really matters in life. Is it meaningless drama that seems such a big deal? No. Is it living to please yourself in the moment? No. Its seeing the Lord in every part of life. Lord, give me Your eyes. This is such a big lesson to learn. And it was...

After a long night of arriving in Uganda, getting settled in and FINALLY getting to sleep, (only to fall off of an 8ft bunk onto tile...yes, it hurt very badly), I was ready to get going the next day. Our first day in Uganda. I didn't know that I could be as excited as I was to finally be there; to smell the smells and breath in the African air. We started out from house 1 and walked our way to Kitende (chi-ten-day) Primary School. It was probably a 15 minute walk to the small village of Kitende. This was my first real sight of Africa. I walked up the dirt hills and let as much dirt as possible find its way into my shoes and toes. We passed chickens randomly clucking on the side of the road, houses with signs in front that said "NOT for sale" with a phone number beside it, I saw toddlers running out of their simple shack homes yelling "Mzungu!!!" (Ugandan word for white person), and all I could do was smile. Smile and pray, "Lord use me in these next weeks....

Sometimes I forget. I live my life as though I am not loved and accepted and chosen by THE God. At camp this past summer, on the top of Laurel Ridge, while sitting in a circle with my very closest friends, I laid down and looked up at the stars. And then I couldn't stop looking at the stars because it was so incredibly breathtaking. Gazing at the thousands of stars made me really wonder why  God wants an intimate relationship with me. In Jeremiah 31:3, the Bible reads, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with a loving kindness." I think what I find so fascinating about this love is that it is unconditional. "Unconditional: without conditions or limitations; absolute." WITHOUT conditions. If you put it into human love, think about it this way. "I will love you but you can't cheat on me with someone else." "I'll love you as long as you love me." "I'll love you if you do this for me, its ...

I didn't know that just land could be so beautiful until I found myself in Murchinson Falls National Park, Uganda. This place was beautiful. Everywhere you turned, there was something new to gaze upon. Something incredibly beautiful that I couldn't take my eyes off of. Or a new animal that just fascinated me. Or a new species of animal that I've never known about (new to me that is..). There was something about this park that was different though, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. As we drove through the long, winding, dirt roads, the wind pulled the hair out of your face, and you couldn't help but spread your arms as wide as you could like you were flying. Because the difference about this park than american parks, was that all it was was africa. No man-made fences, or houses, no wanna-be natural habitat animals, it was pure african soil, african worn dirt roads, african animals, it was Africa. It was free of pollution from the world. Sometimes...

Flint and steel.  An  odd picture you might think. But not an odd thought. In my many conversations I have with my many brothers, this topic came up. Eli and I were talking about how "missional living" doesn't mean going on 20 mission trips to 20 different places. How relationships being made are SO important. It is much better to go on 20 mission trips to 3 or 4 places. This gives you relationships. You might be still wondering, why flint and steel? Think about it. If you strike the flint once, nothing is going to happen. You have to continue strike the flint and put effort into it to make a fire start. Same goes with relationships. You can't go visit them once, tell them you love them, then never see them! You have to rekindle the relationship. Form it and shape it, build it. When I walked into MLKU on this past Tuesday in downtown Winston, my student that I tutored from last year ran up to me after almost 6 months of being apart, and said, "I've m...

It's the rainy days. As I sit in my bedroom watching the rain hit the puddles and burst into a million water particles, I feel my heart burst into a million different pieces. And it's the rainy days that take me back to BOTH countries I visited this year. While in Uganda, we had a field day with the rays of hope children. The day was absolutely beautiful. The sun was shining brightly with a slight breeze in the 80 degree weather. When the kids got there we started playing games with them in the perfect weather, and we had an amazing time running around the field made of complete dirt. This is what I wrote in my journal that day: "Our plans were good, but God's plans were better. We had amazing plans of awesome games for the kids and were ready when they arrived in SHEETS. It looked like it was getting a little cloudy, but I didn't think twice about it. We split them up and started playing games-which was complete chaos! In the middle of the 2nd rotation of my...

"I love praising God." Don't hear that very much do you? Not in today's americanized culture. You hear "I love this song," or "I love this phone." But to genuinely LOVE praising the Lord? I didn't realize that it was possible for a young child to love praising the Lord until I met a little girl called Jalia. Jalia has the heart of an angel. Shy and timid, she kept her words few, but oh the meaning of them. We were sitting in devotions one night while ebony hands were being raised to the air and young ugandan bodies were swaying to the beat of the massive drum, and I had the privilege to stand next to Jalia. This was only the second night we were there so I had spoken little to her. But as a song finished, she beckoned for me to lean down and she said to me, "I love praising God." It blew me away. Tears started forming in my eyes and I had to work to blink them back. As I continued to watch her, I saw those words come true in her l...

"AMIGOOOOO!" yells Rudy as I walk into the doors of the Eagles' Nest, savoring the sights and smells of it all. Guatemala, the birthplace of my youngest sister, Johanna. I have traveled here before in 2007-I was nine years old, completely oblivious to the horrors of the 3rd world. But again, recently, August 11th of 2012 I started my second trip to Guatemala to a place called the Eagles' Nest. When we first got to the Eagles' Nest, I met this little girl named Flores. I really felt that this was a child that the Lord strategically placed in my life...so I pursued her. I played with her, spent time with her, did homework with her, danced with her, you name it. But God had other plans. Before the week was over, I always seemed to find this little boy in my lap. His name was Rudy. Setting eyes on Rudy at first, I saw signs of faint scars, which ripped my heart to shreds. It turns out that he had arrived at Eagle's Nest two months before we had gotten there ...